Guardian Angel's

Well today is a day off. Yippee. I was sitting here pondering ones life. Where is all those interesting people gone that impressed me in my life. You know the ones that have some how giving us a little part of themselves. Either known or unknown left you better human being.

I was thinking of a boy at the time now a man; whatever happen to him. Here I was a tenth grader and him to me at the time was a man a senior in pottery class. What is he up too today. Is he still living. I tried looking for him and wondering what he has been up too. To thank him for treating me so kind and thinking I had a brain and that I was cute. In my funny awkward stage in my life. Pimples, bad hair days. Gosh the lovely late 70's. Almost 30 years later I see what our relationship really was at the time. Thinking it was something else totally different. What a crush I had on him. But he was just being kind to a so sad little girl with no confidences in oneself. Shy, ugly little thing. I remember when he would take his time and show me how to do things in the clay. I never did master the wheel by the way. But he was patience and showed me that I could be crafty and creative. Too look into one self and believe.

Another man later in my life just after high school. Going to community college showed me how immature I was in the well sexually things in life. Wow what an eye opener that was, but I did learn was passions and climaxing was one day. Yes, I was still shy but being the quiet one did have it's advantages. I found out that sometimes you don't have to be in love to have fun. Gosh what a silly little girl I was at the time. Yes, mom if you read this I wasn't as innocence as I wanted you to think I was in those days. Ode to the days of experiencing hmmmm life.

Another person was a teacher. She was a middle school teacher. I think I did my best and she would shoot it down. Things that I thought that I worked my butt off and deserved a "A" was only "C" at best. She would give me another chance and say do it again. Apply yourself, dig deep in yourself. Open that gate to the world in your brain and let yourself free. Gosh I hated her and thought she was picking on me. I would whisper terrible names each time that I would go to her class. Dread it each and everyday. But guess what after the year was over and I endured each English class after that I was rather proud of myself. Guess what, I did go back and thank her for being the best teacher I ever and taught me patience's and keep that gate opened and enjoy the adventures of imagination. To enjoy my daydream world. I learned to enjoy books, writing and life.

A counselor and history teacher that I had in middle school. Those men who really saved my life. When I was the new kid in class in school. The new kid from a whole different state none the less. To come into school when the peer groups were formed and outsiders where meant nothing to no one. I was from a low income family, and didn't have the fashionable clothes that everyone else had and zero self esteem of my looks. To mean kids that shun the idea that you shared the air you breath with them let along their lives. That tease me so terrible with names and behavior that I was really ready to quit life it self. The history teacher that finally put his foot down when I finally couldn't take it anymore. I had hit bottom in a black hole that had no light at the end of a tunnel that I actually lost my mind in his class. He let me vent my hurt and desperation of being alone in the world. No friends, no kindness and being separated by others. Because they moved away their desk with discuss when I sit in their row. He stopped class that day and called the counselor and he came on got me. I don't know what was said upon my leaving but I never had trouble in that class again. My counselor didn't tell me that I had to see a doctor but had me come to his office many weeks after that and helped me through each day to see what a beautiful person that I really was and that cruelness's of others. How really ugly beautiful people could be in one life. He show me how to forgive and move on. It took many, many years to heal after that year but I became a stronger and better person much later in life, as an adult.

Where are my guardian angels in my past life. I have meet too many and met some still today. There isn't enough blogging to tell you of each person that have made me the person, who I am today. I just hope that I have shared those same things with others in their lives that they consider me someone that has helped them through something without ever knowing it. Have I made a difference's in someone life without ever knowing what I have done. I am not saying I want to know then it would not make it special and humbling. But I do ponder the idea have I pay it forward. Have I given something of myself so freely without asking anything in return to help someone else in life they didn't know that needed it. Have I been a guardian angel.