I have decided to compare death as giving birth. It is such a long process death. Since I am a woman I can see both sides of the coin of life.

First there is birth. The long awaited months of waiting for your new arrival. Some of us women have our child quick and painless almost. They come into labor with not much pain in the processes and deliver like it is a everyday occurs. Out comes their little bundle of joy kicking and screaming for their mother loving arms. Then the cooing and aahh's come about.

But then there is death. It can come swiftly to some. Some unknown source such as a accident and unexpected disease. So quickly it takes the lives of the innocence. May it be something man made or mother nature their here and then they are gone.

Then there is the woman that gives birth. Which comes to them days in advance but never really accomplish where they are going. She slowly pacing themselves into little aches and pains increasing slowly. Until finally they go into the hospital and then there is the long pushing and praying for them to come out into the world happy and health and life has then begun once again.

So then death comes to the ones that have lived and long exciting lives. Jumping in and out of other lives. Their poor little bodies are tired and need the rest of all the good they have done in the world. So they go to sleep and move on into the other world. Leaving us at peace by letting us know they have accepted what was dealt with them and they have left little pieces of them behind for us to always remember them by.

Or the labor of women you need some help to get started in their labor process. With the child that does not want to move from it warm womb into the world. With loving, guiding hands we help them give birth to the children in their lives.

To the last group of people that are coming to the end. We need to help them move on. Their little bodies don't want to give up but it slowly leaving them. They grasp unto life one more time and tell us they are not ready to die. Then they finally accept the fact in life that they are ready. With our kind and gentle hands we make them as comfortable as possible. We let them rest and keep them clean and comfortable and pain free while they tie up all the loose ends of things they have control of in their life. Then when we tell them it's okay to go. That we will survive after they are gone they can go.

I work in both ends of these in the field of medicine. Seeing the birth and death of humans. I see the innocence eyes of the newborn infant. Looking up this world in wonder. Accepting all around them as good. There is no evil in their eyes. They accept all unconditionally.

Then I seen the acceptance of death from those you have seen all in this world. All the evil nasty truth of humans in their life. They have seen good in people around them. Giving anything and everything. To show and guide the younger people. To see their children and spouses in their lives just one more time. To look upon them and smile and let them know that they have accepted all that was and is put before them. To please let them move on, by letting them know that they will be okay, once they have gone.

The joy I see in one job. I see the pain in others from the other job. The circle of live moves on without us. It moves in mysterious ways, no matter what we want. Just like in the beginning we come into this world. Then without us knowing it life is coming to an end.

Some of us accept what is coming as others fight to keep on living. But in the big scheme of life I have found that death is unpredictable as such as birth. I have slowly begun to accept death in helping those in need. To make them and their loves ones as comfortable as possible until god and the angels have taken them from us. I tell the love ones that we cannot predict when he will take the life of their loves one as we cannot predict when we come into this world.

With each death, I hold on to what I was taught. With each birth I enjoy the unconditional life that is giving. I treasure both of my roles in this career. It has opened my eyes in some things to become a wiser person.

I hope that I don't become numb or used to the idea of death. Because then I would not enjoy the other part of life and that is birth. I enjoy and immerse myself in the emotions that overflow within me. The joy of life and sadness and pain of death. They both weigh equally inside me. It lets me know that I am alive. That I can live in the moment and enjoy what life has given me. I learn to be humble in the fact that in the big picture I but a speck of dust.

Kids

Gosh guest what I blog less than a month. Whooo Nellie hold your hats. Well really nothing going on here. No snipets of life to learn as of yet. But I am getting my bills paid and that is a plus. It will be my first Halloween with no kids going out to trick or treat. Yes, Yes I know that my kids are well beyond the age but I loved getting the candy. Yes, Yes I do have a terrible sweet tooth but only for chocolate the candies of gods. They have decided to go one step further and show me how much they have grown up and go to a concert. Of all things a concert. But I will bite my lip and pace from room to room until they have arrived back home safe and sound.

Having teenagers in the house I have learned that I need to give over the control. I am not the mommy that kissed their booboo's away anymore. They do like it when I give that tlc but it getting less and less. Where are the children that would run up to me and have ton's of questions of life. Now they know it all and don't want my input. Like my kids say that don't mind what I can teach them, is that I tell them things, and it turns out right.

I tell them I wasn't born yesterday and I am sure that I have experiences it at least once or twice before and have learned my lesson. I know I must cut those apron strings and let them learn their own mistakes. I am not ready to do that but I will one day. Hmmmm I wonder what day that will be. From fighting to get them in the shower to hey where do you think your going dressed like that. Plus, in this day and age my dauther is just 13 they are really she going on 20-something. My son, just short of being a man. ha ha on that one. But he's driving now, boy where is that tricycle I would feel so much better.

I have learned that need to let go. I know that it is a phrase that I must go through it. But dang I don't have to like it. Having to sit by and bit my tongue when they are doing something crazy in their life. Having to watch them get bumped and bruised in life drama. It so difficult but I have noticed when I do butt in and I mean that is what they say "BUTT IN". They turn off their ears and brains for that matter. I can stomp my feet and turn red in the face and they just look and me and say, "whatever mom, stay out of my life." I need to step back and count to 10 and say okay. I remember when I was just like that, oh so many years ago. It hard for those parents that haven't enter the teenage years. Those sweet little cherub's have turn into gremlin's. Don't get me wrong I have been blessed with two great kids. They don't do any drugs, drink with the other kids and they still have open communication with me. So I am blessed and I wouldn't trade me kids for anything. But more is it trial and error as a parent.

But in the long run, I have to admit now that I have gone on vacation and visited my parents once again. You as adult do go back and want to be that kid again. I enjoyed the moments of just being a kids and doing basic chores when I was home. I didn't have to worry about paying bills for that week and making my bed when I got up was no big deal. I know that when everything said and done I will get my cherub's once again. I just need to wait and see.

Well catch you all later.

Day's Off

Well I have learn to appreciate the days that I get off so much more. I thought I was going to work tonight but found out the schedule was changed. Yes, it is a waste of gas to get there and find that I am not working. But the idea of staying home and relaxing for the night is so much more worth the excitment of coming home. Since I work 6 nights a week between two jobs. My one day off is usually sleeping or staying awake as long as I can to do the things I haven't gotten too. But two days off oh boy. I am awake and enjoying the time off. Most likely I will not sleep tonight but oh well I have had 24 hours of sure bliss of nothing but my time.

I sure miss the days when I just worked 3 days a week for 12 hours and had the rest of the days of the week off. Thanks to that schedule I was able to go to school full time and get my licenses as a Vocational Nurse. But never having to take a sick day, comp time or vacation was nice. I just spend my time doing whatever. I am looking forward to those days once again. Some day soon I will have that schedule again. I never took it for granted when I did because I knew that I would eventually come back to 8 hours day grind once again.

Funny, when I was so use of 8 hours a day, I went kicking and screaming going to 12 hours. After a year of doing the shift I wouldn't have had it any other way. Your week is done and over with if you did them in a row. You could plan things around family event's, after school stuff with kids. The day care was so much simplier.

Well I know that I am looking forward to those days again in my future. Hmmm what a nice day off.

Vacations and Decision's

Well I am slow to blog per usual. But things in my life are pretty boring. But I did do something that I hadn't done in a while and that is I went on a vacation. I flew back to Washington just me and my daughter and stayed with the parents. It was so nice and stress free.



My daughter and I were laughing and have remarked to many of the California's since we went back how you can pretty much throw a rock in any direction and you will be sure to hit a Starbuck's. Funny how the Great Northwest loves their coffee. Yes, they are the home of Starbuck's that is true. But it cracked me up that there are caddies for your coffee cups in the grocery store carts. My daughter had a Starbuck's where ever we went. The funny thing is that last day when we were flying out she asked for a Jama Juice instead. She was coffee out. I myself love the Chai Tea.



But the whole vacation was very relaxing and stress free. We played cards every night. I had a nice glass of wine and visit with friends and family. Got to met my niece and nephew which I hadn't met yet. They are both so different night and day in personality. I loved it. No worries, or woes, just thoughts of home. I missed my two main guys in my life. My daughter missed her friend.



Thank god there is way's to save on your phone bills now. Because pretty much most people have unlimited long distance plans. So you can talk endlessly on the phone. We both spoke to some one from home everyday.



I did make a decisions to get the finanances together tp move home. I made that big decisions soon after I got there. So now the planning is to start to figure out job and place situation. So myself and husband are figuring on how to accomplish this adventure. Having a grown child who made not move with the parents in one distraction right now. Then I need to look into changing my licenses to Washington State. I know that I don't need to take the boards again. I think it is basically paying for their fees and such.



I was looking into a year but finanancially it made me two due to the economy. Getting all the debts payoff or down to a livable amount for the move. We are now going through the things that we don't need in our lives and weeding out the many things that we don't need to make the trip with us. Getting the kids on board too. My son has started to figure out what he needs to do in his life and how to achieve it. Our daughter young enough that she will follow us up there in the move.



I had to do the thing and ask for help from my brothers which both agree in was time to come back and they will help. So we will see what happens in this first year and if I need to extend I am sure the family will understand my needs. But they will be there in the end. That is what families are for support line.



Hmmm what a future I have decided. Well I don't know when I will post again. I won't make any promises. Watching the political races and such I sure I will have a comment or two to make before long.

Counting Pennies

Sorry that I haven't written in a while but working 6 days a week and one day off. I never really have the time that I used to. But I found a moment now. There is so many things to blog about. One night at work we were talking about the economy how the down hill spiral is starting. How gas is effecting everything in our world. One person told her daughter to sell her house and move closer to the city because just driving her car to work and back is costing her $1000 a month. Plus the house payment is closed to $3000 a month. Her daughter and husband both have two jobs and they are living for the gas pump and mortages. It seems to be that way for many people now and days.

People are living far among their incoming finance's. So many people have foreclosed on their properties because of loans they have created on their homes. I have been looking at some of the homes and they have been trashed due to people being upset of not being able to pay the money to keep their properties or up keep before leaving their homes. People are doing craziness things such as carjacking vehicles so they can get to their work because they don't have the gas.

Imaging trying to make a decision on how to spend your money around. Gas, food, and bills. Hmmm what bill will have pay next time so I can put a gallon of gas today. That is not including the idea of having any fun in your life. Taking a vacations well that is a big decision on everyone plate. I think most vacations will be staying home and not having to work both jobs. To rest and relax from the rat race of coming and going. I think some people a vacation will be not going to one job. But going to the other.

I can't believe back in the day our grandparents and some of our own parents had one person bring in all the money. Mom stayed home and did things with the kids and people just made it. We had the basic essential of life and were totally happy. Now we can have the basic essential and still two people work.

Yes, we can cut our way of living. Imagine no cell phones, basic cable and no Internet. Paying cash for everything food, clothes and gas. Buying things at bulk rates. Not going out to fast food or any dinners, just cooking things from the kitchen. Splurging will be going to the drive in movies because you can bring your own snacks and lots of people in at once for a reasonable fee. Or movie night on what is the movie of the week on television.

Sounds pretty nice doesn't it. But that is not the reality of our lives. Many of us have cell phones, cable with the bells and whistles. Internet on one or more things, such as WII consoles, Playstation 3 as well as PC's. We cook most meals at home but have schedule times for fast food because things coming up and instead of having meals late at night stop somewhere to pick up that quick meal for the evening. Going to the movies in theater and buy or not the concession stand snacks.

How many people are going to survive these days that seem to be coming up in our lives. Many jobs are being lost due to high fuel cost. Of companies not being able to stay open because we are not able to spend it so loosely now and days. We now count every penny and have to sacrifice things now. I find that it is becoming a very scary thing any more out there.

A year older

Well here I am a year older. I was talking with some of my co-workers and we were ponder how young we really are compare to our residents. Just going by my time line it was shocking in itself.

First President: John F. Kennedy, Lydon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Regan, George Bush Sr. Bill Clinton, George Bush Jr.

Some invention: Vinyl Records, 8 tracks, Cassettes, CD's. Dial Phones, Push Button Phones, to Cordless Phones. Cell Phone the size of a shoe box, to Cell phones the size of credit cards. Personal Computers that were for business only, PC's for home to laptops. Black/White TV. Tube Color TV. Plasma, LCD TV. Reel to reel, VHS, Beta, DVD, HD, BlueRay.

House that sold for 30,000 in the 70's to now 500,000 in the 2000. Cars that were 5,000 to 50,000 and up.

Safety issues: Smoking everywhere, restaurants, movies, grocery stores and schools lounges. Driving without seat belts. Drinking and driving. Thou are some of things were not acceptable back in the day but they are now frown strongly.

Movies of singing and hope. The idea of something going to happen in the bedroom. To movies showing people in the sexual act. Scary movies without the blood to movies that show more blood than a human can hold in their bodies spray around the rooms. Sci-fi movies of silly spaceships and green aliens to walking on the movies. Couples sleeping in separate beds to gay sex.

Gosh I have seen a lot but not as much as the elders. It kind of scary when you think about it. Our parents seen even more. How did I survive all those years of drinking out the garden hoses and licking the cake batter off the spoons.

Well now that I have made you guys feel older than the hills. Keep those youthful thoughts and click your heels together and you will feel younger.

Remember the Moments

Have you ever been taken back in time with a simple gesture. A smell, sound and even a song. Funny how things can take you back to a time that may be painful or the most beautiful time. I have some of those moment's myself.

Take a simple Hershey Milk Chocolate bar. The plain brown wrapper. Not the one with almonds just plain milk chocolate. I see one of those and it makes me think of my grandfather. Grandpa use to give me one of those when he couldn't take me some where. It was back in the day when girls did girl thinks with the women. The boys did man things. But being the only girl there were times I couldn't be in the raindeer games. He would pull out the wonderful candy bar and it seem to fix everything at the time. Still to this day I like my Hershey Milk Chocolate cold out of the refrig. makes me think of him.

In the summertime the music playing on the radio as I would be getting on the bus to go strawberry picking to earn money of my own when I was just a kid. "Singing Sky Rockets in Flight. Afternoon delight". Funny how the words change as you get older. Didn't know what they were singing at the time. The music seems to make us think of many things in our lives. Certain songs makes us think about the first loves of our lives. The music playing in the background with the first kiss. The song that was playing when you got your heart broken.

The smell of the ocean and pine trees of all the fun times I had with my family camping. The cleaning of freshly caught catfish just before stick it in a hot frying pan. The fresh smell of coffee when your mom cracks the seal of the new can of coffee, for her first cup of coffee. The smell of fresh roses in the early spring bring us a new day. The wet dog smells from the many pets I used to play with as a child growing up. Roasting marshmallows between to graham crackers and chunk of chocolate by the open campfire.

The feel of cool rain on the my face walking to school. The taste of snow reminds me the first time that I seen it snow at my house. The warm breeze coming off the ocean, spraying salt water of lazy days in the summer time.

I find the older that I get I remember things at the craziest times. Things that bring me to a place that was earred marked is some aspect that needs to be remembered. Most of these moments I stop and enjoy the feelings that come across me. Soak in special feeliness that are warm. The refreshing moments that bring me the energy that will get me thru the trying times. The sad moments to remember what I have learned. To remember those who need to be remembered.

It just amazes me how simple things can bring me to those moments. Moments that I thought were so long ago forgotten. The ones that make me smile from beam from ear to ear. The ones that make me laugh. I enjoyed the chuckle and the pleasure to be able to laugh at myself. The ones that bring me tears, I enjoyed the honor and love that comes with it. The lessons I learned.

I hope these things, these moments come to you too. Stop and enjoy them. Live in that moment because I find that life it too short not too.

Would I do it again?

Here I am waiting for my teenage son to get up so I can take him to work and then go to bed myself. Up all night with my old people patients. Gosh sometimes they are such a handful. Some are like children being little scamps in the night. Trying to get out of bed, because they remember the days that they could. Now the must depend on others to help them. Some are like little stealth ninjas warming them.

Then their are the patients that are like our grandparents. Ready to scold you when you are not on time to help them. They have all their little brain cells together but their poor little body have given out on them. Makes them a little cranky those independent souls. Wanting the respect of being old and enjoying themselves but they are now bed bound. Their lives cut short due some health reason.

The patients that can focus in short spurts of reality. They recognize you as the one taking care of them but doesn't take much for them to lose sight of reality. Too remind them that they are not alone and all is right with the world around them. They then settle in the between the good old days and today. Looking at you with those trusting eyes that you are the steady one in their lives to take care of them and answer what questions that need to be done. To take them to the bathroom and make sure they eat their meals.

Then the patients that are not quite sick but not well enough to take care of themselves yet. Wondering why when I was younger I bounced back so quickly and now what is wrong with me. How am I going to pay for this and pay rent at the same time. Giving the answer give it time just doesn't quite fix it and ease their minds that all is well with them.

Then the patients that when you left for your two days off. You find that they are on death door, waiting for it to open. They squeeze your hand because they hear your words but are unable to open their eyes to see into yours. You whisper in their ear that they are not alone and they may go in peace. That there are plenty of people wishing nothing but good for you. The family it depending on you to make sure their last days on earth a peaceful and painless. I look up in the sky and pray that god gives me the strength to help his angel to come to him. To hold his hand in mind and squeeze his hand as he walks to the other size. To said good bye is the hardest thing to them. They were there such a short time to make you laugh, frustrate you for their safety. To learn of their youth and their greatest love. To listen of stories of their children and life in general. Then it time. Some goodbyes are hard to do but at last there is peace at last with the last grasp of breath and you see smile on their face as they go.

My job is more demanding than I thought it would be. Between the emotions of trying to please the healthy ones and fix the broken souls. There are night that it's hard to put on that happy face. But the greatest reward that I get on a regular bases is that smile of recognition that I am doing everything right. That scared rabbit is not so scared anymore when they see me walk into the room and let them know that all is well during the night.

If I can coach them into telling me what they did in their lifetime. What is was like way back when. I find each and everyone of them were sweet kind people. With lives outside of my little nursing facility. Each one had families and friends. When I have to say goodbye it is good graces with each one. They ones that make it back home with families and friends. I am please to say goodbye. For the ones that it is their time I hope that I have made them to cross to the other side as equally rewarding.

I ask myself would I do it again. Hmmm, Yes I would. I am needed where others are unable to been there for them. Plus I hope all that I do now I hope there is a kind person to take the time and patience's with me. To help me. To make my life as an old person peaceful. I just wish I would have started so much younger. But I guess it better than not at all.

Guardian Angel's

Well today is a day off. Yippee. I was sitting here pondering ones life. Where is all those interesting people gone that impressed me in my life. You know the ones that have some how giving us a little part of themselves. Either known or unknown left you better human being.

I was thinking of a boy at the time now a man; whatever happen to him. Here I was a tenth grader and him to me at the time was a man a senior in pottery class. What is he up too today. Is he still living. I tried looking for him and wondering what he has been up too. To thank him for treating me so kind and thinking I had a brain and that I was cute. In my funny awkward stage in my life. Pimples, bad hair days. Gosh the lovely late 70's. Almost 30 years later I see what our relationship really was at the time. Thinking it was something else totally different. What a crush I had on him. But he was just being kind to a so sad little girl with no confidences in oneself. Shy, ugly little thing. I remember when he would take his time and show me how to do things in the clay. I never did master the wheel by the way. But he was patience and showed me that I could be crafty and creative. Too look into one self and believe.

Another man later in my life just after high school. Going to community college showed me how immature I was in the well sexually things in life. Wow what an eye opener that was, but I did learn was passions and climaxing was one day. Yes, I was still shy but being the quiet one did have it's advantages. I found out that sometimes you don't have to be in love to have fun. Gosh what a silly little girl I was at the time. Yes, mom if you read this I wasn't as innocence as I wanted you to think I was in those days. Ode to the days of experiencing hmmmm life.

Another person was a teacher. She was a middle school teacher. I think I did my best and she would shoot it down. Things that I thought that I worked my butt off and deserved a "A" was only "C" at best. She would give me another chance and say do it again. Apply yourself, dig deep in yourself. Open that gate to the world in your brain and let yourself free. Gosh I hated her and thought she was picking on me. I would whisper terrible names each time that I would go to her class. Dread it each and everyday. But guess what after the year was over and I endured each English class after that I was rather proud of myself. Guess what, I did go back and thank her for being the best teacher I ever and taught me patience's and keep that gate opened and enjoy the adventures of imagination. To enjoy my daydream world. I learned to enjoy books, writing and life.

A counselor and history teacher that I had in middle school. Those men who really saved my life. When I was the new kid in class in school. The new kid from a whole different state none the less. To come into school when the peer groups were formed and outsiders where meant nothing to no one. I was from a low income family, and didn't have the fashionable clothes that everyone else had and zero self esteem of my looks. To mean kids that shun the idea that you shared the air you breath with them let along their lives. That tease me so terrible with names and behavior that I was really ready to quit life it self. The history teacher that finally put his foot down when I finally couldn't take it anymore. I had hit bottom in a black hole that had no light at the end of a tunnel that I actually lost my mind in his class. He let me vent my hurt and desperation of being alone in the world. No friends, no kindness and being separated by others. Because they moved away their desk with discuss when I sit in their row. He stopped class that day and called the counselor and he came on got me. I don't know what was said upon my leaving but I never had trouble in that class again. My counselor didn't tell me that I had to see a doctor but had me come to his office many weeks after that and helped me through each day to see what a beautiful person that I really was and that cruelness's of others. How really ugly beautiful people could be in one life. He show me how to forgive and move on. It took many, many years to heal after that year but I became a stronger and better person much later in life, as an adult.

Where are my guardian angels in my past life. I have meet too many and met some still today. There isn't enough blogging to tell you of each person that have made me the person, who I am today. I just hope that I have shared those same things with others in their lives that they consider me someone that has helped them through something without ever knowing it. Have I made a difference's in someone life without ever knowing what I have done. I am not saying I want to know then it would not make it special and humbling. But I do ponder the idea have I pay it forward. Have I given something of myself so freely without asking anything in return to help someone else in life they didn't know that needed it. Have I been a guardian angel.

Pedicure's

Well today I had my first pedicure. Oh My God! It was so terrific. I just got off from working 16 days straight between both jobs. I decided that today would be a pamper myself and my daughter too. We had our nails done and pedicures. I have gotten her them before but I have this thing about people touching my feet.

But now I have a whole new meaning. It was so great. My feet haven't felt so good. I see many of those in my future. My feet really don't hurt and my calf's feel re-engized. I think I will spending my little allowance that I allow myself to get one once a week. Since I am on my feet all the time now.

So ladies if you want a great experience go for the pedicure. It so relaxing and your feet will thank you.

Kids and the World Today

I know that it takes me awhile to come back in a blog. But I work alot and my time is always limited. But I will try and do better. Well I was out in the stores this morning, after a long night at work and notice something that really bothers me. Which is: Why has this society decided to ignore the most precious thing we have in our lifetime. The one thing that will hopefully take care of us in the end when we are old and gray. That is our children.

There are so many parents out there talking to other people on their cell phones that they have forgotten out to commuicate with the one thing that is right there in front of them. I see it all the time when I driving or just out in the world. It is so few at times that I don't see it. See how many you see around you and see if I am just being silly.

Here I am in the store getting my little bit of groceries to hold us over until I get a day off. When I see a woman with her child talking on the cell phone. The child is trying to get her attention and she chatting away with whom ever is on the other line. The child say "mom, mom" and she just chatting and say "just a minute" or "I will right with you". I here her chatting down each isle and every so often a child says "mom" but to no answer in return. I end up going to the check out and right in front of me is the same person on the phone during her money transaction still chatting and the child has succomb to being ignore. What I could over hear over the conversation which I couldn't help over hearing is something a friend and her date and let's get together and such. Not work related or anything of importants that we be okay to ignore her own child.

But I see that so often in so many ways. People driving in their cars. Parents on the phone and the child with a DVD or playing a game in the back seat. Or them on their own cell phones talking to whom ever. Out in the malls, parks and restaurants. Grown adults interacting with others adults on the phone and the child is left to figure what to do with themselves waiting for their parents attention.

I found that being with my child during store, car and restaurent was our time to chat and see what is up in the world. To have interesting conversation, learning such as spelling, homework time. Or what is going on with them. Enjoying my time with them. Maybe that is why when I am off from work I hang out at home instead of running around with friends myself. Or just dragging one of the kids around with me errands to laugh and joke with them. To see what is going on with me in their crazy lives. Me and my kids are very close. I feel that we are that is in my opinion. But I wouldn't trade that time of talking for the world. Listening to their music even if I don't agree with it. What books expand their minds. What the hip word of the day. What craziest of peer pressure is out there influcence my own children.

Because in the end when I my kids face the outside world. I want to make sure that I have prepared them. Will they be followers or leaders. Will they make up their own minds or include me in their decisions. Plus they will only be around so much and then thet are gone from us doing their own things in the world. Careers, family and friends will be the center of their world. Then I will be alone waiting to be their world once again to hopefully join my own.

I enjoy each conversation I have with my children and their friends. I treasure them very much. I was blessed with two great kids. They know that they are my world and have taught me so much and hopefully I have taught them as well.

Well off to be a mom. And I will try and do better blogging.

Day OFF

Well my days off are always few and far between. Last night was such night. After working ten days. There was stuff to do. But guess what I took the daily errands and chores off too. I will pay for it in the end. But it was nice to just say "no". That is something that I rarely say. Doing stuff around the house and getting things done is was too much yesterday. I slept all day due to the fact that I work nights. Then I wasn't hungry so I said to the hubby let's go to the movie's. Guess what he said yep. We had a nice time at the movies. We watched " The Bucket List". It was a nice feel good movie. It made you laugh, cry and wonder about your own life. It was worth the 10 dollars to get in there.

Then since me and the husband don't get to spend time together the whole night. Because we both work different nights we watched all the recordings that we had on the DVR. Which ended up us staying up all night talking and watching the sun come up. Well I watched it come up. Hubby had to go to work. But it was a pleasant evening all together. Wow the simple things. Cheap date and quality time. It makes the world go around.

So it back to the old grind. I feel refreshed and ready for the week. Well I think I am ready. I getting dinner done as we speak. And soon to get ready for work. Looking forward to my next day off.

Life

Well the New Year has started. It healing people life has slowed down. But it will pick up soon enough. It looks to be an interesting year to come. I find that times I look at my pass and see where I was and now the road that I facing in the future.

I been working as a License Nurse for 6 months now. I find that it is scary at times. But more rewarding. I have comfort many to the next road in their lives. Which is sad to say death. But I hope that I have made them more comfortable and not alone in their last breaths. I try and make it as painless as possible. The sad things to see them die alone is the worst. There has been a few family members able to see their parent to the end as the parent as see them into the world.

It gives you perspective that there is an end. Facing death has been something that I have been able to accept better than most. That is because I had a very wise grandfather that accepted it and went out in his own right. But the frustrations that he went through towards that end was most likely not the way one would go. But I see others do the same thing. They decided how to walk into that light. The only thing that I have to support them is that I don't want them to be scared or alone. I think the pain that some go through is the least of their worries. I think the idea of being alone is what scares them most. I think they are more comforted by the idea of having a loving hand holding theirs. Telling them that they are not alone and that it is okay to go to other side.

I have many things that I want to accomplish before my time goes. The list is ever growing and some of the things I have been able to cross off. But there is something else that follows to keep the list nice a long.

The one theory that I have always thought is that if we feel that we have accomplish all that we wanted on our list of life. Then there is nothing else to fulfill those needs then our times has come.

SO I make sure my list is long. I tried and live without regret. All the decisions I have made have been my own and I hope that I leave with many feeling and learning from my thoughts and idea. That is when my time comes and I move on to the path death. I just hope that there is someone able to tell me that it is okay and that you are not alone.

I am ever growing emotionally and experiences wise is this field. I sure there is many more things to learn. I can't wait for those to open up for me.