Remember the Moments

Have you ever been taken back in time with a simple gesture. A smell, sound and even a song. Funny how things can take you back to a time that may be painful or the most beautiful time. I have some of those moment's myself.

Take a simple Hershey Milk Chocolate bar. The plain brown wrapper. Not the one with almonds just plain milk chocolate. I see one of those and it makes me think of my grandfather. Grandpa use to give me one of those when he couldn't take me some where. It was back in the day when girls did girl thinks with the women. The boys did man things. But being the only girl there were times I couldn't be in the raindeer games. He would pull out the wonderful candy bar and it seem to fix everything at the time. Still to this day I like my Hershey Milk Chocolate cold out of the refrig. makes me think of him.

In the summertime the music playing on the radio as I would be getting on the bus to go strawberry picking to earn money of my own when I was just a kid. "Singing Sky Rockets in Flight. Afternoon delight". Funny how the words change as you get older. Didn't know what they were singing at the time. The music seems to make us think of many things in our lives. Certain songs makes us think about the first loves of our lives. The music playing in the background with the first kiss. The song that was playing when you got your heart broken.

The smell of the ocean and pine trees of all the fun times I had with my family camping. The cleaning of freshly caught catfish just before stick it in a hot frying pan. The fresh smell of coffee when your mom cracks the seal of the new can of coffee, for her first cup of coffee. The smell of fresh roses in the early spring bring us a new day. The wet dog smells from the many pets I used to play with as a child growing up. Roasting marshmallows between to graham crackers and chunk of chocolate by the open campfire.

The feel of cool rain on the my face walking to school. The taste of snow reminds me the first time that I seen it snow at my house. The warm breeze coming off the ocean, spraying salt water of lazy days in the summer time.

I find the older that I get I remember things at the craziest times. Things that bring me to a place that was earred marked is some aspect that needs to be remembered. Most of these moments I stop and enjoy the feelings that come across me. Soak in special feeliness that are warm. The refreshing moments that bring me the energy that will get me thru the trying times. The sad moments to remember what I have learned. To remember those who need to be remembered.

It just amazes me how simple things can bring me to those moments. Moments that I thought were so long ago forgotten. The ones that make me smile from beam from ear to ear. The ones that make me laugh. I enjoyed the chuckle and the pleasure to be able to laugh at myself. The ones that bring me tears, I enjoyed the honor and love that comes with it. The lessons I learned.

I hope these things, these moments come to you too. Stop and enjoy them. Live in that moment because I find that life it too short not too.

Would I do it again?

Here I am waiting for my teenage son to get up so I can take him to work and then go to bed myself. Up all night with my old people patients. Gosh sometimes they are such a handful. Some are like children being little scamps in the night. Trying to get out of bed, because they remember the days that they could. Now the must depend on others to help them. Some are like little stealth ninjas warming them.

Then their are the patients that are like our grandparents. Ready to scold you when you are not on time to help them. They have all their little brain cells together but their poor little body have given out on them. Makes them a little cranky those independent souls. Wanting the respect of being old and enjoying themselves but they are now bed bound. Their lives cut short due some health reason.

The patients that can focus in short spurts of reality. They recognize you as the one taking care of them but doesn't take much for them to lose sight of reality. Too remind them that they are not alone and all is right with the world around them. They then settle in the between the good old days and today. Looking at you with those trusting eyes that you are the steady one in their lives to take care of them and answer what questions that need to be done. To take them to the bathroom and make sure they eat their meals.

Then the patients that are not quite sick but not well enough to take care of themselves yet. Wondering why when I was younger I bounced back so quickly and now what is wrong with me. How am I going to pay for this and pay rent at the same time. Giving the answer give it time just doesn't quite fix it and ease their minds that all is well with them.

Then the patients that when you left for your two days off. You find that they are on death door, waiting for it to open. They squeeze your hand because they hear your words but are unable to open their eyes to see into yours. You whisper in their ear that they are not alone and they may go in peace. That there are plenty of people wishing nothing but good for you. The family it depending on you to make sure their last days on earth a peaceful and painless. I look up in the sky and pray that god gives me the strength to help his angel to come to him. To hold his hand in mind and squeeze his hand as he walks to the other size. To said good bye is the hardest thing to them. They were there such a short time to make you laugh, frustrate you for their safety. To learn of their youth and their greatest love. To listen of stories of their children and life in general. Then it time. Some goodbyes are hard to do but at last there is peace at last with the last grasp of breath and you see smile on their face as they go.

My job is more demanding than I thought it would be. Between the emotions of trying to please the healthy ones and fix the broken souls. There are night that it's hard to put on that happy face. But the greatest reward that I get on a regular bases is that smile of recognition that I am doing everything right. That scared rabbit is not so scared anymore when they see me walk into the room and let them know that all is well during the night.

If I can coach them into telling me what they did in their lifetime. What is was like way back when. I find each and everyone of them were sweet kind people. With lives outside of my little nursing facility. Each one had families and friends. When I have to say goodbye it is good graces with each one. They ones that make it back home with families and friends. I am please to say goodbye. For the ones that it is their time I hope that I have made them to cross to the other side as equally rewarding.

I ask myself would I do it again. Hmmm, Yes I would. I am needed where others are unable to been there for them. Plus I hope all that I do now I hope there is a kind person to take the time and patience's with me. To help me. To make my life as an old person peaceful. I just wish I would have started so much younger. But I guess it better than not at all.

Guardian Angel's

Well today is a day off. Yippee. I was sitting here pondering ones life. Where is all those interesting people gone that impressed me in my life. You know the ones that have some how giving us a little part of themselves. Either known or unknown left you better human being.

I was thinking of a boy at the time now a man; whatever happen to him. Here I was a tenth grader and him to me at the time was a man a senior in pottery class. What is he up too today. Is he still living. I tried looking for him and wondering what he has been up too. To thank him for treating me so kind and thinking I had a brain and that I was cute. In my funny awkward stage in my life. Pimples, bad hair days. Gosh the lovely late 70's. Almost 30 years later I see what our relationship really was at the time. Thinking it was something else totally different. What a crush I had on him. But he was just being kind to a so sad little girl with no confidences in oneself. Shy, ugly little thing. I remember when he would take his time and show me how to do things in the clay. I never did master the wheel by the way. But he was patience and showed me that I could be crafty and creative. Too look into one self and believe.

Another man later in my life just after high school. Going to community college showed me how immature I was in the well sexually things in life. Wow what an eye opener that was, but I did learn was passions and climaxing was one day. Yes, I was still shy but being the quiet one did have it's advantages. I found out that sometimes you don't have to be in love to have fun. Gosh what a silly little girl I was at the time. Yes, mom if you read this I wasn't as innocence as I wanted you to think I was in those days. Ode to the days of experiencing hmmmm life.

Another person was a teacher. She was a middle school teacher. I think I did my best and she would shoot it down. Things that I thought that I worked my butt off and deserved a "A" was only "C" at best. She would give me another chance and say do it again. Apply yourself, dig deep in yourself. Open that gate to the world in your brain and let yourself free. Gosh I hated her and thought she was picking on me. I would whisper terrible names each time that I would go to her class. Dread it each and everyday. But guess what after the year was over and I endured each English class after that I was rather proud of myself. Guess what, I did go back and thank her for being the best teacher I ever and taught me patience's and keep that gate opened and enjoy the adventures of imagination. To enjoy my daydream world. I learned to enjoy books, writing and life.

A counselor and history teacher that I had in middle school. Those men who really saved my life. When I was the new kid in class in school. The new kid from a whole different state none the less. To come into school when the peer groups were formed and outsiders where meant nothing to no one. I was from a low income family, and didn't have the fashionable clothes that everyone else had and zero self esteem of my looks. To mean kids that shun the idea that you shared the air you breath with them let along their lives. That tease me so terrible with names and behavior that I was really ready to quit life it self. The history teacher that finally put his foot down when I finally couldn't take it anymore. I had hit bottom in a black hole that had no light at the end of a tunnel that I actually lost my mind in his class. He let me vent my hurt and desperation of being alone in the world. No friends, no kindness and being separated by others. Because they moved away their desk with discuss when I sit in their row. He stopped class that day and called the counselor and he came on got me. I don't know what was said upon my leaving but I never had trouble in that class again. My counselor didn't tell me that I had to see a doctor but had me come to his office many weeks after that and helped me through each day to see what a beautiful person that I really was and that cruelness's of others. How really ugly beautiful people could be in one life. He show me how to forgive and move on. It took many, many years to heal after that year but I became a stronger and better person much later in life, as an adult.

Where are my guardian angels in my past life. I have meet too many and met some still today. There isn't enough blogging to tell you of each person that have made me the person, who I am today. I just hope that I have shared those same things with others in their lives that they consider me someone that has helped them through something without ever knowing it. Have I made a difference's in someone life without ever knowing what I have done. I am not saying I want to know then it would not make it special and humbling. But I do ponder the idea have I pay it forward. Have I given something of myself so freely without asking anything in return to help someone else in life they didn't know that needed it. Have I been a guardian angel.

Pedicure's

Well today I had my first pedicure. Oh My God! It was so terrific. I just got off from working 16 days straight between both jobs. I decided that today would be a pamper myself and my daughter too. We had our nails done and pedicures. I have gotten her them before but I have this thing about people touching my feet.

But now I have a whole new meaning. It was so great. My feet haven't felt so good. I see many of those in my future. My feet really don't hurt and my calf's feel re-engized. I think I will spending my little allowance that I allow myself to get one once a week. Since I am on my feet all the time now.

So ladies if you want a great experience go for the pedicure. It so relaxing and your feet will thank you.